PANCH% Tantra

Once upon a bad time there was an infamous Rakshasa, Brahmanasur. He and his ilk were a torment to the foremost tribes of those times, the DULLits. The famous dark lord Brahma, you know who, had bequeathed on him the deadliest of all weapons, Brain. Brahmanasur used to unleash numerous Brainstorms to entice the DULLits to commit the lowliest of all sins, Think. Thinking and working hard were acts of sacrilege among the DULLits, as it used to unDULL their characters.

So, the DULLits got together and prayed fervently to their god, DUMBedkar. DUMBedkar appeared before his devotees in his divine form - The lower part of his body had 69% reservation, hence, his bodily appearance was highly awe invoking and spiritual. He carried no Brain as the Rakshasa did. He was 21% hands, 1% face and 9% bald. All in all, he added up to 100% god - the personification of Social Justice in its purest form. Apart from that he was much like the gods of yore - he had a weapon, PERCENTAGE and he rode a tiger (Singh). The name of the Singh was Arjun. Only blip was that this tiger was a bit old, walked with a stick and wore glasses.

Anyway, on hearing the plight of his devotees, DUMBedkar decided to take his second Avtaar. To start with, he drew inspiration from Lord Voldemort and spread himself across the country in the form of Horcruxes (Horcruxes are divine portions of one's soul distributed in different forms). These horcruxes appeared in the form of DUMBedkar statues on almost all road crossings, parliament buildings, slum dwellings, sulabh shauchalayas and other such locations of strategic importance. It was a ploy to keep an eye on what the Rakshasa and his ilk did.

Arjun transformed himself into a minister in the government of the day and unleashed PERCENTAGE on the Rakshasas. 23%, 27%, 50%, 69%, 80% started to rain upon the cruel Rakshasas. Rakshasas invoked their potent satan lady, Merit. But Arjun pounced upon Merit and tore her to pieces. Hah! Merit never knew that even an old emaciated tiger could be more than a match to her.

Rakshasas ran helter skelter and tried to hide. DUMBedkar then blew his conch and chanted the following potent shlokas one after the other-

"You can run but you cannot hide!"
"I'll be back!"
"Somebody somewhere is made for you"
"Its all about loving your parents"
"Daag- The Fire"
"Indian- The love story of a spy"

One after the other the Rakshasas began to fall. All their fortIITs were captured and destroyed. Yet, a few cruel Rakshasas managed to escape to the land of devilry, PATAALamerica. The land of the DULLits was finally cleansed of all Brahmanasurs and other such Rakshasas. DULLits were pleased and overjoyed.

DUMBedkar felt content and relaxed. Infact, one of his horcruxes (statues) in Kanpur heaved such a sigh of relief that its head fell off.

The DULLits then celebrated the purification of their land by coming out on the streets. They made a huge bonfire of public transport buses, shops and public property. And then, they threw stones (they considered plucking and throwing flowers as environmental crime) to pay obeisance to their Lord of the lords - DUMBedkar. And last, but not the least, Arjun Singh straightened his tail, smiled broadly and roared - MEOW!