Where's the fire?

Whats the scariest thing that you've ever had to go through? Unless you were in the basement of the twin towers during you-know-what and got out alive it can't get close to what I experienced a few days back. Alarms are nasty little things in the best of times. They are absolutely deplorable when they go off in the middle of the night. And fire alarms, I've come to realize, are the worst kind.

It had been a rough work week and my only plan for the weekend was to sleep right through it. So there I was snugly settled inside my blanket in deep slumber dreaming of a place where sleep did not obey the clock when something suddenly made me wake up wide eyed and gasping for breath. Somebody had just kicked me violently in the stomach, thrown a pail of ice-cold water, smacked me on the face and then let off this horrible scream that makes every hair on your body stand at end. Atleast thats what my hibernating body told me. Ofcourse none of that had actually happened but I woke up in a fit half expecting to find a werewolf bending over me. Instead there was just an incredibly loud, shrill and repeating noise that was drilling holes in my ear.

My first instinct was to settle it once and for all with my alarm clock. It was one thing waking me up daily at seven and another to go off in the middle of the night on a weekend. I decided I had let this go long enough and turned my wrath on that little monster on the table. A few tonks, jerks and taps against the wall and I was no closer to silence. My ears seemed to suggest that the offending noise came from elsewhere. I put down the clock making a note to take up the issue at a later date. After much plodding around it dawned on me that it was the fire alarm that was the real culprit. I've been through a few fire drills in my time but the real thing is a little different. For one, the noise is a few bels louder. Secondly, real fires flare up when you least expect them to. And then you dont have floor managers in funny hats telling you what to do.

As you might expect, I wasn't in peak form when I reacted to this stimulus. A few seconds were spent in studying the contours of the device and the joy I would get in blowing it to smithereens. Then I wondered about the chances of this being a false alarm. When satisfied that the threat was real I made a mental checklist of stuff that I didn't want going up in flames . Thats when this wave of self-doubt hit me. Had I accidentally set this off? Maybe there was still some popcorn left in the oven. What if the bulb I leave on in the bathroom had burnt down? Or maybe my hairgel just exploded. That is possible. The security guy at the airport told me so. Needless to say I wanted to investigate this angle without waking up the entire hotel. Back to the fire alarm I went. To my dismay, the device didnt have so much as a snooze button on it.The noise was now deafening and I had to get out. So I gingerly stepped out of my room prepared to face the music.

To my surprise and eventual pride I was among the first few to get safely outdoors. I was greeted outside by an oriental gentleman with his fingers half-way in his ears. I took up my position behind a lamp-post where I could observe without being observed. I looked back at the hotel building expecting to find an inferno. It was a sore disappointment. When you are made to stand out on the sidewalk in your boxers on a winter night you want to see some fireworks. It keeps you warm. But everything seemed to be nice and peaceful. Soon more sleepy, tired and disgruntled people stepped out. It dawned on me that it'd taken them that long for they too had checked their ovens and ash-trays before they ventured out. This gave me some confidence and I stepped out from behind the post and joined in the conversation, the contents of which cannot be published here for obvious reasons. Then the fancy pants arrived with flashing lights. The cop was quickly followed by the firemen. Somebody switched on some hip-hop music and soon we had a disco going, lights and all. After about an hour's deliberation they gave us the 'all clear'. It had been a false alarm. Thats what they call a fire drill in the night I suppose.

I am better prepared for such eventualities now. I've not only hung all spare blankets around the alarm, I also keep a sledge hammer by my bedside. Next time it makes a noise I'll let it know who's the boss. But it seems to have had a curiious side effect - my alarm clock's gone all silent for some reason!